Frenemies: “Not Everything You Lose Is A Loss”

Some say this is a lost generation. But if that is true, who lost them? The debate can be had that it’s the previous generation that “lost” them because something cannot lose itself. I have a different take on this generation, and mainly because i work with it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In fact, it’s Labor day and I’ve worked with a few already.


I don’t think it’s a lost generation. I say this because I am constantly impressed by what I see from the young people I work with all across the country. It actually appears to me that only a small fraction of this generation can be labeled as “lost” – and that’s the fraction that get’s all the media attention. Take for example the 17 year old who built a $3.5 million global enterprise. Trust me, he is not lost.

What’s effecting our young people today is simple: misrepresentation, or what I like to call “frenemies”

With the advent of Facebook and social media, the definition of “friends” is now intertwined with the word “followers”. This generation is just having a harder time than we did figuring people out. That’s all. They are not lost at all.

I love this generation. That’s why I think it’s important to mentor and guide them when we can. I’m starting off this 4 part series called “Frenemies” with a lesson I learned a few years ago: not everything you lose is a loss.

How many times have we/you invested money and time into someone or something that you become comfortable around? So comfortable that you can’t see if it is helping or hurting you after a while?. Listen, your friends want the best for you and would never invite you to do something, try something, or be something that is not in your best interest.


Because your friends are not in competition with you, they are a compliment to you. If you are looking for a job, they don’t offer any type of drugs to you because they are working on your behalf to help you get the job! They have the same expectation that you have: that the job is coming. Not just any job, but a job that is so grand, you will be able to pass the drug test and any other test they throw at you. They won’t even let you come into the house if they have been smoking because they don’t want to block the one thing you have been waiting on – or be the reason you didn’t get it.

Rethink that friend who throws that expensive iPhone in your face, but hold on tight to that friend that offers you an extra line, that was only $10 – because they knew you needed it to get that job.

Evaluate that friend who talks about you behind your back so that other people like them more than you.

Your circle of friends can either help you or hurt you. I saw a perfect saying online the other day: you have to learn how to get up from the table when love is no longer being served. I like to add my own twist to it: you have to learn to get up from the table when _______ is being served. I let people fill in the blanks as it relates to them. Some choices are:

  • foolishness

  • disrespect

  • abuse

  • hate

When you give up toxic things, you are simply making room for better things. I know we sometimes feel like we can’t break away or end the cycle, but whatever energy you feed will grow.

Love yourself, one day at a time, and eventually you will notice that that person or thing you couldn’t live without is long gone and you are still…living.



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