#LoveYourself: Teach People How To Treat You By What You Allow

As soon as February hits people start thinking about Valentine’s Day which is on the 14th. But with this series, I want to encourage you to “date yourself” on February 13th and watch how amazingly more awesome your 14th turns out. You will then continue this pattern every week, then every month and eventually it’s a lifestyle. Welcome to our new Life Development Series for Black LGBTQ young adults: #LoveYourself !

What is the first step to truly loving yourself? It’s the understanding that people only respect those they cannot disrespect. That is a fact.

It is 100% true that you teach people how to treat you by what you allow. If you allow it, people will continue to do it.


We did a series last year called “Frenemies” where in three parts we talked about the true meaning of friendship and how it differs from the social media definition. So this would be a good time to revisit that series if your “friends” are the ones who continue to disrespect you.

Here are my personal steps for teaching people how to treat me that may (or may not) work for you. Note that it took me a while to get here and change did not happen over night. I went step by step over the years to get here.

  1. Have a red line. My red line is the line I draw when it comes to things I simply will not tolerate or respond to. I am very consistent with this. If someone is texting me and they say something that crosses my red line, I immediately stop responding. same thing goes for the phone. Cross my personal red line and you will hear “I have another call on the line I need to take”. I do this with family as well.

  2. I can do it with or without you. I don’t care who you are, what qualifications you have, how much money is at stake, if you are my boss/supervisor, you are a member of NYPS, on my board, the mayor…(you get it) – know that I will go on without you! As they say in show business “the show must go on”. Don’t let anyone steal your power or hijack your life or project. You don’t have to take it.

  3. Watch out for gossip. If a person is talking to you about someone else, rest assured they are telling someone something about you too. You can actually stop people from gossiping about you to others if they see you are not about that life. Change the subject or simply state you’re only interested in your own personal development and eventually people will stop bringing gossip to you. I’ve discovered that if you stay consistent with this, not only do you stop hearing your name involved in foolishness, gossip about you stops somehow. They find someone else to gossip about.

  4. Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Sometimes people just don’t know how to be a true friend because they don’t have any. It’s not their fault. But this is a good opportunity to show them. Simply treat everyone the way you want them to treat you. After a while it will catch on.

  5. Don’t show off, show up. Protect your brand. Thanks to social media, everyone is now a business owner. What business do you own? You. How you portray yourself online is how people will react to you. 95% of people spend more time with you online than they do in person – so THAT is the person that they know. Be the same person online that you truly are and people will treat you as such.

One important piece to teaching people how to treat you is allowing them to come back after they mess up. I am a big believer in this. This is why no one is ever banned from our organization or not allowed to return. It’s similar to how your parents put you on punishment for an extended amount of time so that you learn a lesson and when that time is up you earn their good graces back. This is key. Some of my best leaders are those who had to leave and eventually came back and are better than ever.

Allow people to mess us and come back. After all, you are teaching them how to behave in the classroom that is your life.

Take a moment to watch the powerful video below on how to love yourself. (Note: if you are a crier, and that’s not a bad thing, do not watch this video).

Post your comments or additional steps that work for you below. Don’t forget to subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss the other parts to this series: #LoveYourself.


NYPS is an intellectual, creative urban movement that focuses on socially forward, leadership and development activities for black LGBTQ young adults. Download our app today

National Youth Pride Services,

Chicago, IL 60601

Phone. 773-YPS-8051